LOVE IS COURTEOUS

Do you remember the book, Courtesy for Boys and Girls? Maybe everyone should get a copy because it’s amazing how much rudeness we have in our societies these days. Courtesy has been thrown away such that there is no regard for the elderly, authority, and rules and regulations. There are a lot of bad habits in our daily lives. 
Is it not amazing that “Christians” are daily increasing in numbers, but the rate of deviant behaviours and social vices keep soaring?

Courtesy is love in little things; it is Love in society – in relation to etiquette or manners. It is said that, “Put the most untutored, unsophisticated person into the highest society, and if they have a reservoir of love in their hearts, they will not behave unseemingly.” The courteous person can mingle with any society.

Someone rightly said, ‘there would be no need for laws if there is courtesy in our societies.’ Truly, Love is not rude; it does not behave unbecomingly, and it is not ill-mannered.

Being courteous and not behaving rudely can be seen and explained in many ways. 

First, courtesy means discipline – doing and saying the right thing at the right time (Prov. 15:23 NLT). People of today, both old and young have no discipline. We do and say anything at our own convenience. What is prevalence is how unbecoming people dress, the kind of music and videos we hear and watch in our media, and how people litter around easily.

Gone are the days when there was discipline in our society such that someone else could discipline the ward of another person.

It is so sad that the campaign for discipline by the late Vice President of Ghana, Alhaji Aliu Mahama, could not be sustained (especially after his demise).

Second, courtesy means freedom – giving people the freedom and the room to operate on their own. It means creating space in our relationships.

It is rude to stand at the outside open door of someone when it is clear that the person is in a conversation with someone. It is rude to interrupt someone when they are talking without excusing them.

Love does not manipulate and control others. “At the heart of love, there is a simple secret: The lover lets the beloved be free”. Lovers know that the best friendships do not require that anyone be in control. Rather there is mutuality, where either party is free to be who he or she is, and weak at times without fearing that the other will “keep the upper hard.” Freedom is a great gift we can give in our relationships. Love gives freedom!

Third, courtesy means thinking about the interest of others – how our actions and inactions can affect them. It is so amazing how a next door neighbor can increase the volume of his or her television or radio set to disturb the peace of others. Have you noticed how students who have finished writing their exams (especially in the tertiary) make noise to disturb others who are seriously preparing for theirs? Love thinks about others; it does not behave unseemingly.

Fourth, courtesy means respect. Love respects all people no matter their outlook and pedigree. It sees everyone as important and thus respects their ideas and opinions. The Bible admonishes us in Rom.13:7; “Give to everyone what you owe them: . . . and give respect and honour to all whom it is due.” 

Love respects the differences in other people. It recognizes their worth and importance, and treats them as such. Love values the beloved and he makes them feel valued, and important. Many people in higher positions think more highly of themselves and have no regard and respect for their subordinates, however, they expect their subordinates to respect them. Have you thought of how “bosses” for example, enter into their subordinates’ offices without knocking, invading their privacy? Do unto others. . .

There is a story of a young man who sat in a public bus to attend an interview. As the bus took off, he noticed an old man who did not get a seat standing. He gently stood up and invited this old man to occupy his seat. When they were alighting at the bus terminal, although he was late and in haste, he helped the old man to get down from the bus. Before he could get to the interview room, the old man, who happened to be the Chairman for the interview panel, was already there. He had opted to come by a public transport and then the company car wait for him at the bus terminal.

For the courtesy shown by the young man, no interview was conducted for him, he was employed outright. He was a “Gentleman” – meaning a gentle man – a man who does things gently with love. Truly, the gentleman doesn’t do an ungentle, ungentlemanly thing.

Love does not behave in a manner that manifest little consideration for others. It does not ignore the person of others for the sake of exalting itself.

Love is not disdainful and haughty. It doesn’t bluster and act ostentatiously, but it observes moderation and propriety. Love is polite!

REFERENCE

1. Habits of a Loving Heart by Willard Tate