THE MYTHS OF CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER

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The decision of choosing a life partner is one of arguably three most important decisions you would make in life; the other two being your Religion and Vocation/Work. 

As crucial as it might be, there are many misconceptions about it which normally "deceives" and "misguides" many people in their efforts to make this decision.

Let’s explore five of these myths:

Myth #1: There is one special person for me

Some people believe that God created just one special person for them – their "soul mate". The men believe that their "rib" was used to create one particular woman, and the women also have the faith that they were made out of one particular man’s rib; and so they have to search for that person.  

That sounds very comforting and romantic, but it’s just not true. It is illogical and "untheological"! 

There are over seven billion people living across seven continents in the world. What is the probability that you will meet that one person? 

Don't set yourself up for disappointments and heartaches. Be a realist, open-minded and receptive to every potential partner out there.

Myth #2: God chooses that person for me

Many people are also illusioned to the extent of saying they've had "dreams" or "visions" about such people God has chosen for them to marry.

How I wish that could be true, and what a perfect choose that would have been; but unfortunately, that's not also true. 

It will thus serve you a lot of good to drop that illusion and wake up to face the realities. 

God only gives wisdom and guidance when we seek for it. We make the decision based on all the information and discretion we have. 

The final choice is ours! Choosing a life partner is fully in your control. It is a choice you make!

Myth #3: Just "love" is enough

True, love is the foundation for marriage; but choosing a life partner goes beyond just love.

You may love each other so much, but there may be serious family or maturity issues. You may not have the same values and goals, there may be serious health implications, incompatibility issues and red flags.

Just your love for someone doesn’t mean you should get married to that person. Love is thoughtful to discern beyond the “feelings”.

Myth #4: Love at first sight

Sometimes we meet people and we are instantly attracted to them, feeling butterflies in the stomach, with that heart stopping and heart beating [faster] experience, and the lovey-dovey tingling sensations.

However, is that love? The reality is that true love takes time and effort to develop or grow.  

That overwhelming heart stopping and heart beating, lovey-dovey sensation is most probably just infatuation and chemistry – which is a good thing – and essential for any strong relationship, but it does not necessarily mean that it is love, or that's the one you should marry.

Although true love can develop from infatuation, that is not always the case, and so make sure that you are not blinded by infatuation alone.

Remember to focus on knowing the person better to build the relationship and see if you are compatible, so you don't end up with the wrong person.

Myth #5: There is a Perfect Partner

Sorry to disappoint you – there is no such thing as a “Perfect Partner”. In my personal and professional opinion, the concept of a “Perfect Partner” is a myth and a fantasy which only happens in songs, romance novels, and movies.

It only often causes us to have unrealistic expectations of others (and even of ourselves) which can lead to a great deal of disappointments in and out of relationships. 

You will never find a perfect partner. If you want to, then you would have to marry an angel. Unfortunately, angels do not marry!

This is not to mean that you should “settle for anyone”; however, there is someone “Good Enough” for you whom you can deem perfect.

 

These myths have been the cause of many broken relationships (marriages). It is thus vital that you rise above them and choose your life partner carefully, mindfully/thoughtfully and prayerfully.