DATING: A MARRIAGE MARKET
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Look out for a good "marriage material" on your dates |
The
meaning of “dating” to people in modern times is largely seen as an issue of
semantics – the personal definition varies for everyone. The word “dating”
comes from the idea of “setting a date” where two people (or more, if in a
group date) agree to meet at a certain time and place for a purpose.
A
“date” thus is a prearranged time spent with someone (often of the opposite sex
with an interest in them) – with the intention of assessing how suitable or
compatible you are for a possible “committed or intimate relationship.” It is a
“market” in which you “shop” for your prospective life partner. This means you are
not restricted to one person; you can “date” different people on different
dates.
However,
most people these days rather choose to “Go steady” – “going out” with no one
except their “one and only one.” "Going steady" means narrowing your “dates” with the
opposite sex to just one person.
Time to Date?
One
common question young people and even parents ask is, “How old should one be in
order to date?” In reality, the answer is subjective. However, one’s readiness
to date is more of maturity than a chronological age.
Myles
Munroe in his book “Waiting and Dating” postulates four principles/prerequisites
of dating readiness that every person should meet before they begin dating.
1. The
first principle is that you are not ready to date until you are fully aware of
both the dangers and benefits of dating. When you understand not only the
fringe benefits but also the dangers and pitfalls of dating, then you are
mature enough to begin getting involved in “committed relationships”
2. Secondly,
you are not ready to date until you have worked out a clean and clear set of
godly guidelines for behaviour based on God’s word. This requires that you
attain a certain degree of spiritual maturity. You need a good understanding of
God’s standards for relationships.
3. The
third prerequisite for preparing to date is that you are not ready until you have
resolved never to lower or compromise those standards for any reason, even if
it means losing dates. To compromise moral or godly standards in order to get a
date or hold onto a relationship is immature behaviour.
4. The
last of the principles which is the most important, and one I have been
drumming home all these years is that, you are only ready to date when you don’t
need to, but you regard dating as a matter of choice rather than necessity. If you
think you “need” to date in order to make you a fulfilled or complete person,
then you are not ready for dating. You are ready to date only to the extent
that you feel whole and complete within yourself. You don’t have to date before
you can get married if you would make friendship a major part of your life.
Effects of Dating
Dating,
if done well can lead to a loving and lasting relationship. It helps people to
get along well socially, developing their self-confidence and
social-interaction skills. It makes you learn a lot about how to behave when
with someone, especially the opposite sex. Ultimately, it helps you in the selection
of a mate – deciding what kind of person you want to marry.
However,
there are dangers associated with it. It can make you do something that will
hurt your chances for future happiness. Getting physically and emotionally
involved too quickly at too deep a level can lead to inappropriate behaviour. The
Law of Progression teaches that even iron will melt upon continuous exposure to
high temps. There can be emotional and psychological trauma coupled with waste
of productive time. The instances of “date rape” can also not be ignored and
overlooked.
Who should I Date?
When
you date someone, you are in a sense, “stamping your approval” on that person. The
first and most important question you should ask yourself is, “Is he or she having
a personal relationship with God? Is there evidence of this relationship in his
behaviour and lifestyle? Behind this should inform your decision and commitment
to date ONLY a believer growing in the Lord.
Be Serious!
Many
of us “play” during dating. Our conversations are mostly like this: “Your eyes
are beautiful and pretty”; “I like your eyes too.” “You have pretty hair”; “Your
hair is pretty too.” Stop the jokes and have serious talks and conversations
that go deeper. Get to understand and know yourselves better by talking about
yourselves. Be sincere, honest and friendly on your dates so that you can learn
more about each other. Ultimately, make friendship building the purpose of your
dating.
Remember,
dating is a "marriage market". Be careful the kind of stuff you buy in that market. Look out for a good "marriage material" on your dates!
REFERENCES
- Waiting and Dating by Dr. Myles Munroe
- Your Guide to Marriage by Dr. John Boakye
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