COURTSHIP: THE MARRIAGE “COURT”

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Make a good case in your courtship

As we socialize, associate or mingle with many people of the opposite sex through dating, there comes a time when we are drawn to one particular person with much interest in them. As the interest becomes stronger, we become so serious about each other and we begin to think of the chances of building a long term relationship and a future together. This feeling and interest is naturally mutual even though we might not communicate it verbally to ourselves.
Courtship is about developing an intimate friendship with the opposite sex with the mutual view of possible marriage.
Contrast to dating where the partners may have no commitment to consider marriage but for other reasons especially to have fun and enjoy romantic associations, people court only when they are ready to make a commitment to marriage. There is no "shopping" around once you start courting.
 
Courtship is the “Court” of Marriage
Courtship is the "court" of marriage, which provides the opportunity and platform for partners to Test, Examine, and Evaluate (“TEE”) their inner character, values, beliefs, background, interests and life purposes.
Through the long walks in the sunshine, the long talks and constant communications, the quality time spent together and the many other activities done together, the partners get to know each other in great depth, enjoying each other's company as true friends.
Courtship enables the partners to dig deep to explore and find out more about each other, developing unconditional love, trust and transparency, and to decide if they really want to spend the rest of their lives together.
Under the guidance of parents or mentors, the partners concentrate on developing a deep friendship that could lead to marriage.

When Courtship Ceases
If during the courtship one or both parties realize that marriage is not possible and they end the relationship, it doesn’t mean the courtship has failed. This is because you court to see if there is any reason why you should or shouldn't get married – possibility of marriage.
Partners in courtship should just understand that not all courtships will end up in marriage.
The Bible admonishes that we should let our love be sincere, being kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love; in honour giving preference to one another.
In other words, sometimes, to show that you love someone means letting the person go if you realize that the relationship cannot work. It means giving preference to them and thinking about their interest first.
Although the ending of a courtship most likely will be painful, hurting and heartbreaking which can lead to bitterness, it can be avoided. The parties, as well as their parents, mentors and loved ones, can help them to deal with any disappointment or unfulfilled hopes.

Be Cautious about Courtship 
Inasmuch as courtship could be a very good opportunity for couples to study each other in detail, it also poses a whole lot of challenges for young people.
Many people at this period get so much involved emotionally that they indulge in promiscuous activities that they never had thought of or had “vowed” never to be involved in.
Another issue is that, at this period, they hardly notice the weaknesses and flaws of each other because the interest in each other is very high and so they overlook so many glaring red flags. People usually hide their faults and flaws to give a false impression of themselves, doing what they are not used to in order to keep their partner liking them.
Courtship however, should be a time to cultivate transparency in your relationship. It is a time to take away the face mask, and openly and honestly explore each other’s lives leading up to marriage!  

Make a Good Case in Your Courtship
Remember, courtship is the "court" of marriage, and so don’t enter into it unprepared. You need time to know the best and worst of each other, and to discern if each party is ready for marriage and to play his or her role as a husband or wife.
Ask all the necessary questions; make all the requisite fact-findings; and gather all the important evidences you need in order to make a good case and to arrive at a good decision of marriage.

REFERENCES 

  1. A Guide to Successful Marriage by Cecilia Arthur (Mrs.)
  2. Your Guide to Marriage by Dr. John Boakye 
Sammy Adjei is a Love & Relationship Expert with a compelling passion to help individuals, couples and families build lovely relationships. Sammy is licensed by the Ghana Psychology Council as a Counselor [Lay Practitioner]. He is a member of the Ghana Psychological Association, and the Ghana Academy of Christian Counselors. Contact: +233 (0) 207295852

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