PARENTS HAVE A ROLE IN THEIR CHILDREN'S MARRIAGE (PT 1)
"Therefore a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one
flesh"
(Gen. 2:24 NKJV).
The above biblical statement
clearly indicates that the first place the child will learn, know, and
understand pre-marriage and post-marriage issues is the parents' home.
Focusing on pre-marriage in this article,
there are two major areas that in my opinion, parents would have to support their
children towards marriage.
Upbringing
Parents, understand that that
little boy or girl of yours would one day be the husband or wife of someone. Start
from today to prepare them. Don't wait until when you can't correct them. It is
said that “you can't use a day to straighten a tree that has grown crooked for
ten years”.
Don’t sit down and say you don’t care.
You will care one day when your in-laws indirectly insult you for their
spouse’s poor upbringing. They will say to your son, "Your stupidity like
your father"; and to your daughter, "Your lousiness like your
mother".
- Personal upkeep and body care: Teach your children how to bath and clean their body; how to brush so they don’t develop decayed teeth; and how to dress decently and modestly.
- Home-keeping: Children need to be taught the practical ways of homemaking: Cleaning, dusting, cooking, serving, sewing, repairing, neatness and orderliness, and caring for children.
- Courtesy: Teach your children about respect for the rights of others. The boys should love and respect the girls; and the girls should submit and respect the boys. Teach them good eating manners, socialization, communication skills, etc.
- Sex: Teach children the true facts about sex. Ask them open questions and find out how much they already know. Answer their questions truthfully by letting your answer suit their age, mental development, and understanding. Encourage them so that they will always come to you for information.
- The nature of marriage: Teach your children to know what marriage is – a covenant union of love between a man and a woman which involves honour, trust, and commitment. Let them know marriage is God-instituted and God-owned, and one must understand and obey God's plan for marriage to be successful at it.
Choosing a Life Partner
One other area that needs a positive parental role is in choosing
a life partner by their children. Marriage is a serious life business. Young people
should be aware of the consequences of making the wrong choice for a life
partner. Choosing a life partner shouldn’t be taken lightly at all. It’s not
like choosing one’s clothes or shoes which can be changed at will; even with
that, one is careful about it.
It’s thus critical to thoroughly analyze
the most important factors in making such a decision; and parents with their experience
can be of immense help.
Many children look up to their
parents for guidance to choose their life partners. The involvement of parents
(and family) makes for a somewhat high probability of choosing someone with
compatible qualities, lifestyle and interests, character, and family background.
Parents should, however, be careful
never to impose their own choice for a spouse on their son or daughter. Guide them
to make a good decision; let it be their choice. After all, it's them who will
spend their lives together in the marriage.
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