I HAVE A BROKEN-HEART; PLEASE HELP ME!

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“Men don’t cry” they say, but not with a heartbreak. Few men can deny crying when they experience(d) it. Whilst some resort to the shower to “wash” away their tears, others wear goggles to “cover” it up. That tells you the pain broken-heart can cause.

Come to think of it, the heart has no “bone” to be broken, so why do we say it is “broken”?

Whilst in a relationship, we invest ourselves, our time, energy, money and other resources into it; and our significant others “occupy” a greater part of our heart. When we lose the relationship, we lose all these investments, and our significant others “leave” our hearts creating a vacuum which cause intense emotional, and sometimes physical stress or pain. This is metaphorically referred to as “broken-heart”.

For some, the signs might be there; but for others, it hits them like a bomb, Boom!

It really hurts, and it can cause so much anger, resentment, hatred, emotional and psychological trauma, unproductiveness at work and in academics, and in extreme cases suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Fix the Brokenness

Coping with a heartbreak can be one of the hardest things you may ever have to do. No matter the duration of the relationship, broken-heart can leave you feeling hurt, confused, rejected and worthless. But it is good to get over it and get healed.

1.     Lick your wounds. Get into your closet and “lick your wounds” to get healed. Cry if need be and laugh if you have to. This helps you to release grief, anger, sadness, and anxiety – they are energies that need and want to be released out of your body. Think through and list all the bad and good memories of the relationship. List the factors that caused the breakup; those caused by you and your partner. It is necessary you go through this process to enable you look at the situation, analyze it critically, and accept the reality of why the relationship has ended so you can learn lessons from it.

2.    Forgive yourself and the other person. It’s only after you have forgiven yourself that you can also forgive the other person. By forgiving, you break the chains that are binding you. Write two forgiveness letters/notes; one to yourself and another meant for your partner. It’s so relieving!

3.     Enjoy family, friends, and your hobbies/interests. Get moving out with your loved ones and enjoy their company! Walk, run, swim, exercise, watch movies, sing, listen to music, read books etc. Date yourself, and don’t allow aloneness and loneliness “push” you into a new relationship.

4.   Build yourself spiritually, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially. This is a good thing you can do for yourself. It can help you to gain your confidence and self-esteem back.

5.    Get rid of things that bring memories of the past relationship, like pictures. Whilst it might seem “immature” to unfollow this person on social media, it will also not be prudent to be stalking and snooping their social media walls. It is important that you don’t get closer to things that will remind you of the previous relationship. 

6.   Seek support and counseling. This period is very critical such that you need support. Seek professional counseling [therapy] to help you go through the healing process.

 

7.    Seek God. God has a deep love for you, and He is the only one who will completely heal your broken-heart. He is with you, though you might think He is distant.

Give Yourself Time

If you have a broken-heart, the healing process would take some time but the wounds would eventually get healed. There is no set timeline to get over a heartbreak. Some may heal faster than others, but sooner or later, you will be alive again. Don’t fight or force the healing process. Go through it! The secret to getting over a broken-heart lies within you! Give yourself space, time and love.

A New Relationship?

Many of us think that getting into a new relationship will let us get over a heartbreak. Don’t just jump into a new relationship right after a break up. You may decide mainly with your emotions which can complicate issues.

The unhealed hurts or wounds of an old relationship can poison the beauty of a new relationship. You can get more bruised by a “little hurt” in the new relationship. You may not be able to show or feel genuine love. You will not be able to show them the real you, and you will not be able to see the real them. Everything will be in disguise!

Don’t carry the baggage of your past relationship into a new relationship. Leave it behind!

But once you feel healed, hey, get out there, and give a try to a new relationship. There are other [big] fishes in the sea!