AFTER YOU SAY "I DO!"

There are many people who think that the marriage ceremony is all in all for a marriage and so they take things lightly afterwards. But the alarming rate of break-up and divorce means that it takes a lot of work to have successful marriages, and so couples need to creatively build their marriage after they say “I Do”.

The Friendship Factor

A husband and wife need to develop friendship and be the best of friends. Friendship is the strongest relationship of all, and having your spouse as your best friend is one of the best things that can happen to your marriage. Couples who are best friends make happy marriages.  They are able to spend much time together creating emotional and physical intimacy, which is a factor for marital satisfaction.

Effective Communication

To have a successful marriage, you must have effective communication. It is impossible to have a healthy marriage without [effective] communication. Many marriages break down because couples quit communicating or don’t communicate effectively. Learn to talk to each other, and not at each other. Someone said, "Just as blood is to life, communication is to love [marriage]".

Couple Dating

A husband and wife need to keep dating each other during the marriage. They should go out of the home periodically to have a treat. They can play games together, take a walk or go on excursions. Being adventurous and exploring new environments and activities make you spend time together whiles “renewing” your love.

Create Space and Boundary

There are times your partner wants to be and do things alone, or want to have a sober reflection and take stock of his or her life. Respect the need for that space and privacy. They have the right – in fact, they don’t actually have to seek permission from you. You can be rarely apart; but if you allow some time apart as individuals, you will appreciate your time together more. It will only strengthen and keep your relationship fresh and lively.

Transparency

Those who have lovely and lasting relationships have one characteristic in common – and that is openness. They are honest, “clear” and unclouded with no mask put on. They have nothing to hide from their significant others, knowing that if they are transparent, their spouses cannot keep from loving them.

Continuous Learning

Marriage is a continuous preparation and learning institution. Knowledge and understanding about marriage is essential for its success. Seek to understand your differences: males and females, and your temperaments. Seek to know your partner better than you know of anyone else in the world, and continuously learn to improve yourself to become the spouse you want to be.

Love your Weaknesses

By nature, we are all a combination of strengths and weaknesses.

Falling in love means that you accept both the “good looks” and the “bad looks” of your partner.

Whatever your partner’s weaknesses, bear in mind you made a choice – you chose him/her; and like paint, love covers a multitude of sins [weaknesses]. Magnify their strengths, verbalize them and let them know how you appreciate them through commendations and compliments.

Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are inevitable in all human relationships, marriage especially. Couples are like porcupines. They will love to get closer; but the closer they get, the more they prick each other, creating conflicts. But the most important thing is knowing how well to resolve the conflict. Fight fairly as couples, and do not hold grudges. Learn to apologize and say “I am sorry”. Resolve your conflicts to strengthen your marriage bond.

Post-marital Counseling

It is important to periodically seek counseling after marriage. A short period after the marriage, the glow subsides, and the realities set in. The major differences of the couple tend to show and they begin to see the weaknesses and faults of each other which causes many marriages to break. It takes counseling for the couple to understand and appreciate these differences, and to help address the issues that may pop-up in the marriage.

The God Factor

God is the author of marriage, and His counsel and guidance alone can guarantee the success of it. To be successful at marriage, you must know, understand and follow His “manual” which contains His principles of love, leadership, submission, faithfulness, commitment, and contentment for marriage. Couples need to develop an intimate relationship with God through prayer, and studying His word. The more couples get closer to God, the more they become intimate and love each other.

Work together as a team to make your marriage work. Support each other and make every effort to sustain the marriage. Don’t “go to sleep” after you say “I Do!”