THE RED FLAGS!
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Here
are some Red Flags to look out for:
1. Lack of communication
Communication
is key and very vital in every good relationship. But when your partner or both
of you find it difficult and unwilling to talk through issues, express how you
feel, and not able to listen to each other’s point of view, but resulting to
the “silent treatment”, then you should be concerned.
2. Lack of trust
Trust
cannot be compromised in relationships. There are people who are not honest even
to themselves. They lack integrity, and cannot hold themselves accountable for
their actions. They tend to avoid you and show behaviours that are suspicious such
that they even hide or excuse themselves to receive phone calls. True, every
partner has a right to privacy, but some people are out-and-out liars who seem
to purposefully keep secrets from you, and sure, there might be so much they
are hiding from you. These are obvious red flags.
3. Selfishness
Another red flag in a relationship is when your partner has a massive sense of
entitlement, and everything of the relationship is about them. They are not
concerned or don’t care about you, but only about themselves. This is a clear
sign.
4. Refusing to take responsibility
To
be irresponsible is to be immature. None of us have our lives fully together,
but there are people who cannot just manage their life – finances, work, and plans
for their future, and they will always give excuses as to why they can’t solve
their problems or do something, and they are never ever ready to take responsibility. These people
cannot help you in any way.
5. Significant number of family and friends reject or don’t like them
One
other sign that you might be in a bad relationship is when a significant number
of your family and friends have concerns about your beloved. It is a good thing
to refrain from believing everything “negative” people say about your partner. But
if family and friends who are so close to you and know you so well, and may “see
things more clearly from the outside” are all criticizing and raising concerns,
at the very least, hear them out!
6. Disrespects the family and other people
When
your partner treats you so well but is mean to other people especially their
family, don’t ever think they love you and you are so special. That is who they
are. This is a glaring sign and an alarm bell of how they will treat you once
you are married to them.
7. Abusive and controlling behaviour, and always crossing boundaries
There
are people who want to control where you go and who you associate with, and
even manipulate you to choose between them and your other significant others, as a
prove of their (and your) “love”. This can
generate into abuse – verbal, emotional, psychological and certainly physical. These
people will always want to test and cross your boundaries and not respect you. This
is unhealthy and destructive for you. It’s not just a red flag, but a huge red
banner – Run away!
8. Compares you with others or their previous partner
You
are unique and totally different from everyone. But if your partner doesn’t appreciate
this and always compares you with his or her ex or other people whom they might
be so fixated on, such that they constantly wish you were “someone else”, then
you should advice yourself.
9. Blaming everyone but themselves
When
people tend to put blame on others for a failed relationship or venture, badmouthing
and being overly critical about previous partners and everyone they have ever
had an encounter with, you can bet that the same thing will happen to your
relationship. They are indirectly telling you that they cannot be responsible
for anything that will go wrong in the relationship; they are not ready to accept
any blame; they can’t resolve conflicts; and you are totally responsible to
make the relationship work. It is a red flag to be wary of.
10. They have a hard time apologizing
Partners
will often offend themselves, and both partners should be able to accept blame
and apologize to bring the relationship back on track. However, if your partner
will not admit their wrong and apologize, that definitely could put a strain on
the relationship, and it is a bad sign.
No one is perfect. We all have flaws, and definitely your partner is going to have some flaws as well. If you think the relationship is worth keeping, take the initiative (and if possible seek a counselor) to talk to your partner about these red flags identified. If they are willing to change and improve, good! But if they get defensive and are not willing to work it out, then you ignore these red flags at your own peril!
No one is perfect. We all have flaws, and definitely your partner is going to have some flaws as well. If you think the relationship is worth keeping, take the initiative (and if possible seek a counselor) to talk to your partner about these red flags identified. If they are willing to change and improve, good! But if they get defensive and are not willing to work it out, then you ignore these red flags at your own peril!
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