LEAVING: CUTTING THE TIES THAT BIND?
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Source: istockphoto.com |
Indeed there can be no marriage
without leaving, but one major challenge that many couples face is “leaving”
their relationship with their parents, families, friends and their single adult
lifestyle, to cleave to their new family.
They are torn between the
responsibilities of their “new home” and their “previous home”, thus creating a
lot of tension.
Leaving is Hard
Leaving is a fundamental
principle of marriage but it is very hard and actually a bitter pill to swallow
by both parents and children. The thought of not “seeing” each other cause pain
in the heart and sometimes tears are shed.
Normally the mothers (of the
men) are the culprits to the point that some even get depressed. They keep
thinking and asking themselves: “Will she be able to wash his shirts well?” “Will
she even know how much salt or pepper he likes in his soup or stew?” “Can she
make him happy?” (You and I can relate with The
Vodafone Advert of a mother and her daughter-in-law).
But just as the umbilical cord is
cut to enable the baby grow and develop, one has to leave
parents [though painful] for the marriage to grow and develop. The couple should be given the chance
to leave without resentments, and the opportunity to cultivate their
companionship and build their home.
Cutting The Ties That Bind?
The question that many ask is “Does
marriage not ‘bring’ two families together rather than ‘breaking’ them?”
Be that as it may that the
previous families are not “broken”, it has to be understood that a new distinct
family has been formed independent of the other two, and that family will need
their freedom devoid of any in-law interference and control.
Leaving however doesn’t mean ‘to cut ties’ with parents and abandon
them, but, ‘to loosen ties’ with
them, establishing an adult relationship with them and not being overly
dependent on them. It means parents and the old families shouldn’t pose their
noses into the affairs of the new family, wanting to play major roles in their
decisions.
It is also imperative to note
that the Bible admonishes children in 1Tim.5:3-4 to take care of their widowed [helpless]
parents.
The new couple thus should
thoroughly discuss how they will provide for the welfare of their parents. They
need to be given the freedom to establish their home whiles deciding on their
own how to cater for the welfare of their parents.
The fact that the new couples are able to
“leave” or “loose ties” creates a breathing space and calm atmosphere in which
the love between them and the parents can grow and develop, and they can
“return” fully equipped and happy to help their families later on.
References
- I Married You by Walter Trobisch
- Your Guide to Marriage by Dr. John Boakye
- The Purpose and Power of Love & Marriage by Myles Munroe
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