BOYFRIENDS ARE NOT HUSBANDS; GIRLFRIENDS ARE NOT WIVES

Whatever you do or give in dating is voluntary

It amazes me as to why many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands, and the men treat their girlfriends like they are their wives. She does his laundry on regular basis and cooks all his meals. He provides housekeeping money, and apparently pays her school fees and buys her provisions. They justify it, “Well, I do want to be his wife.”, “I want to show her what a lovely husband I would be.”

However, the problem with this is that their level of involvement in each other’s lives exceeds their level of commitment. 

Dating is not Marriage

Dating, as I do say, is a “marriage market.” It is a tryout for marriage, offering you the chance to explore and learn before you make that serious decision of marriage. 

 

Someone said “it’s like walking into the mall to buy a pair of shoes. As long as you haven’t paid for it, all you can do is to stare at it and admire its amazing features and beauty. You can’t walk out of the mall with it without paying for it. When you walk into the mall, you’re dating. It doesn’t necessarily mean you may buy something from the mall. When you buy whatever, it’s called marriage. As long as the dowry/bride price has not been paid, you are only dating.” 

The irony is that these days, you cannot differentiate dating from marriage.

She has the key to his apartment and practically lives there. She cooks for him every day, does the laundry, and basically takes care of his every need even before he asks. He then also provides housekeeping money and money for her to fix her hair weekly. He changes her wardrobe every fortnight, pays her bills, and even provides for the “in-laws”.

Some are also involved physically, and they justify it, “Unless I sleep with him, he wouldn’t want to commit to me, much more marry me”, “How will I know if the shoe fits unless first I try it on?”

Others also go to the extent of operating joint bank accounts. Well, you may want to try it, but it’s not advisable. Even some married couples don’t combine everything. 

But if you want to be married for a lifetime, you need a man or woman to commit to you because they love, honor and cherish you. 

Your boyfriend is not your husband; your girlfriend is not your wife

The truth is, your girlfriend is not your wife, and your boyfriend is not your husband. You may be the best of “couples” in town. However, inasmuch as the bride price/dowry has not been paid for, she’s not obliged to do anything for you; and not obliged to demand anything from you either. 

Do you remember the old saying, “Why buy the full cow when you can get the milk for free?”

While many men will propose to women who possess “wife-like” character traits, it will take you quite longer to get a man to marry you if you’re giving him all that he stands to benefit from marriage without the accompanying commitments on his side. What will inspire a man to marry you if he already has “all that marriage offers” without any of what he is supposed to offer?” Why won’t some men be dating or engaged for years without any desire or plans to get married? 

On the other hand, why will a woman want to settle down with you when she is receiving huge “gifts” and freebies that even in marriage she will likely not get?

However, one should be wary of the worth of whatever they are doing and giving. Know your limit because anything you give to her now is pro bono; and whatever you do for him now is voluntary. You are under no obligation to give whatever to her and she is under no obligation to do whatever for you.

Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally.

It doesn’t matter how long you both have dated, until there’s marriage, he is not your husband, and she is not your wife; and you have to treat him like a boyfriend and her like a girlfriend.

A girlfriend, every man should always remember, is not a wife; and a boyfriend, every woman should understand, is not a husband.

REFERENCES

1. https://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/.../A-girlfriend-is-not-a-wife-468946 
2. https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-difference-between-dating-and-marriage-kcon/