LOVING THE UNLOVABLE

Life is full of people who do us wrong, and do not want our good – in our family, workplace, community and even in the church. It is impossible to go through life without someone hurting, hating and wronging you at some point. Some people will even intentionally hurt and hate you. They will mistreat and wrong you for no good reason. As a result, it seems easy and the norm to love people who love us back; but we find it difficult if not impossible to love those who hate and hurt us, to bless those who curse us, and to do good to those who mistreat us and have expressed feelings of contempt for us. These are people who do not deserve to be loved.

Love’s Greatest Challenge

But in the books of Matthew 5:43-48 and Luke 6:27-36, Christ throws a challenge to us to love our enemies – by praying for them, doing good to them, blessing them, giving to them, and even lending to them without expecting to be repaid – and this is what I call “Love’s greatest challenge.”

But could anyone do this?

The command of Christ to His followers to love was to love everyone, enemies inclusive. But the question many ask is “what of that enemy, how are you supposed to love him?”  How are you expected to love that man who abducted, raped and murdered your only daughter who was in her prime age at college? Could you love that co-worker who sabotaged for you to be dismissed rendering you jobless? Should you keep loving that irresponsible husband who is always abusing and traumatizing you? Are you supposed to continue to love that contentious wife who is always nagging and raining insults and curses on you because you find yourself in a bit of hardship? What about that co-tenant who does not see eye to eye with you and has ceased to be in talking terms with you? What of that man who robbed, raped, and infected you with an STI and made you pregnant? Indeed, it is a great challenge to love the unlovable.

People’s Arguments

It is thus not so surprising that over the centuries, many have argued that it is not possible to move out into the actual practice of this great challenge and command of Christ to “Love your enemies.” They would go ahead and say that this is additional proof that Jesus Christ was an impractical idealist who never quite came down to earth. This was someone who said to the Jewish leaders to destroy the temple which took 46 years to build, and He will raise it up in three days; and He was the same person who asked His disciples to “eat his flesh and drink His blood.”

But this command is practically real and an absolute necessity for the survival of humanity and society. It is important to note that Christ did not say “Like your enemies” –“like” is more sentimental. You may not like what they do or say to you; you may abhor their attitude –but Christ says love them.

Someone asked: “Isn’t it hypocritical to claim feelings of love for someone you do not love?” Maybe it is, but it would be helpful for us to distinguish between love as a feeling, and love as an action. Certainly, we do not have warm feelings for people who hate and mistreat us, but we choose to express an act of love for their best interest and benefit. It is simply a choice, purposefully designed for their ultimate good.

Life-changing experiences

The brothers of Joseph hated him so much for being the beloved son of their father. His fate was decided through a consensus by his brothers and was sold into Egyptian slavery for just 20 pieces of silver. In slavery, he passed through troubles in Potiphar’s house to the extent that a false accusation led him to be wrongfully imprisoned.

He had every reason to be a bitter man, to harbour hatred and resentments towards his jealous brothers. But he chose to forgive them, and he had a very lovely and positive account of the entire experience. He reassured them by speaking kindly to them. In Genesis 50:19-21, Joseph told his brothers, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.”

David, for over 7 years, was hated by Saul because he had been praised by women from all towns of Israel after he killed Goliath. Saul kept a jealous eye on David and hunted for him on many occasions to kill him, but he couldn’t because God was with David. When David had the opportunity to kill Saul, he spared his life on about two occasions. In I Samuel 24:10-11, David said, “This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the LORD placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king –he is the LORD’s anointed one”.

It is said that before Louis XII became King of France, he suffered great indignities and cruelties. He was slandered, thrown into prison, and kept in chains and constant fear of death.

When he succeeded his cousin Charles VIII to the throne, his close friends and advisers urged him to seek revenge, but Louis XII would not hear to any of the suggestions. Instead he prepared a list of all the names of men who had been guilty of crimes against himself, and behind each name he placed a red cross.

His enemies, hearing of this list and the red cross placed behind each name were filled with dread alarm with the thought that the sign of a cross meant they were thereby sentenced to death on the gallows. One after the other they fled the court and their beloved country. But King Louis XII learning of their flight called for a special session of the court to explain his list of names and the red crosses. "Be content, and do not fear," he said in a most cordial tone. "The cross which I drew by your names is not a sign of punishment, but a pledge of forgiveness and a seal for the sake of the crucified Savior, who upon His Cross forgave all His enemies, prayed for them, and blotted out the handwriting that was against them."

How beautiful and yet how rare is forgiveness!

Let go the urge for revenge

As humans, we have a natural and powerful urge for revenge. We always want to retaliate and not forgive. We want to teach people who have hurt us some lessons, and we are determined to go all out because we think that will soothe our wounded egos. Choosing to forgive and give up on “teaching a lesson” to those who have wronged you will be for your good. Remember, the longer you hold a grudge, the heavier it becomes; and the heavier it becomes, the weaker you become.

What good would it be if you love those who love you; what would it benefit you if you do good to those who do good to you; what joy would you experience if you smile only at those who smile at you – would you be different from the publicans?

For God to teach you real love, He must have brought unlovely people into your life. If no unloving people –those who don’t deserve your love –have come your way yet, such that you have been able to show them love, then wait, you can’t call yourself a lover. It takes no character to love people who are lovely and loving to you. Angel Chloe says it right: “To love someone who is lovely is always very easy, but to love the unlovely, now, that is absolutely Godly.” If you want to know how to love, then love the unlovable, and forgive the unworthy and do good to those who can’t repay.

For you who is willing to love, Love your enemy –the unlovable!!!