THE COMPLETE SINGLE

I have been approached on countless occasions with the question; “At what age or how old should one be to get married?” My answer always has been, “It is not the “aged” who gets married, but the mature and complete single!” And as you may guess, the follow up question has always been “What do you mean by a complete single? How do you become complete and fulfilled as a single when you are not married; when you don’t have a mate who really loves and cares for you”? Well, it is unfortunate that many hold this perception and so they enter into relationships unprepared and incomplete and are therefore met unexpectedly with the realities and uncertainties of marriage. It is the mature person who can accept the responsibilities of marriage. No one expects you to be a genius or extremely rich; but the dream of everyone for a spouse is someone who is responsible. Singles thus need to build their capacities to make themselves assets and not liabilities. You need to be a fulfilled or complete single to make a fulfilled or complete couple – physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. With what I call the SPEPSES formula, walk with me through what I mean by The Complete Single.

Spiritually: Understanding God’s principles of leadership, submission, love, faithfulness, contentment, and commitment is a major prerequisite to having a successful marriage, and they are evident in the spiritually developed person. The spirit-filled person is more prepared for marriage, and they enjoy the pleasures of marriage than anyone else. Read and study the bible to know about God’s plan for the institution of marriage. How well is your relationship with God? The complete single has a very good relationship with God – he has developed a very good and cordial relationship with his God in the areas of prayers, bible studies and living by His word; and there are evidences of this relationship in his behaviour and lifestyle. It is important to ask yourself whether you pass the test of 2 Pet.1:5-8. Be committed to the ideals of your faith. And develop the fruits of the spirit. The complete single invests in his spiritual growth.

Physically: Complete singles constantly put their physical health condition to the test. They are involved in physical exercise and health activities to keep them fit. The complete single does whatever it takes to “strengthen” his life and body to stay healthy. Exercise is paramount to him. The complete single is so concerned about the upkeep of her home. Her home is well organized and attractive. Food choices are important to her. She learns how to cook delicious, nutritious and hygienic meals. She does not buy food from the roadside because there is power outage or her Liquified Petroleum Gas (LPG) in the cylinder is exhausted. 

She dresses modestly. She looks attractive, but also retentive. She takes time to care for her body. Personal hygiene is a top priority to her. Her hair is never left unkempt releasing all kinds of odour that can make people sneeze a bucketful of phlegm. She lives in a clean environment and always avoids filth. She is always cheerful because she is physically complete.

The complete single does not leave his fingernails unclean and grown like the claws of an eagle. He does not wear the same shirt or underwear repeatedly for weeks to accumulate sweat which emits body odour that could attract troupes of flies. He doesn’t leave his skin as dried as a reptile in the jungle. He doesn’t leave his moustache unkempt, and allow his armpit to grow hairs like a bush that harbours all kinds of insects. The complete single never forgets that “cleanliness is next to godliness.” The complete single is physically fit.

Economically: No one is expecting you to be “filthy” rich; but everyone will want for a spouse someone who is financially responsible. Complete singles are prepared to take responsibility; both successes and failures. They are never lazy. The complete single has a regular source of income. They invest in income generating activities. They have developed their potentials such that they serve as a source of income to them. The complete single develops a healthy attitude towards sourcing/earning, spending, saving and sharing of money and other materials. He controls and plans his finances. As a result, he is financially responsible. He is able to cater for himself and willing or able to take care of another person.

Psychologically: The complete single is opened to new ideas and so she is always ready and willing to learn new things. She develops herself personally and professionally. He attends capacity building seminars and workshops to be equipped with new skills and broaden his horizon. He is able to reason above misinformation, and able to make good decisions and judgments. They know the true nature of marriage, and have a clear mindset and an understanding about marriage. The complete single is intelligent.

Socially: The complete single is well-cultured and good-mannered. She is socially exposed and experienced. She doesn’t look odd in social functions. She is very “current” because social awareness is a priority. The complete single has learnt to associate well with people. He has learnt to build affectionate relationships. How one treats his or her brothers, sisters and parents is a good determinant of how complete he or she is. She gets along well with them and others. He makes allowance for their faults and mistakes. She forgives those who hurt or wrong her. The complete single has learnt that respect is a great virtue. He does not maltreat women; she does not insult men! To become a complete single, you need to develop your communication skills; learn when to talk and when to listen. Learn to say “I’m sorry”, “Thank you”, and “Please”. Learn to commend, appreciate and praise when necessary.

Emotionally: A boy informed his father of his intention to get married. The father knowing his son gave him a pet to keep for six (6) months after which he will support him to get married. The boy was so happy and fond of the beauty and adorable nature of the pet. After a week, he returned to the father and told him he could not keep the pet, but the father encouraged him to try further. After two weeks, he went to the father again and complained bitterly of how the pet was frustrating him. Again the father kept motivating him to keep on. After a month, he said to the father, “If you don’t take the pet back, I will kill it!” The father then sat the boy down and said, “Marriage is as beautiful and adorable as the pet, but it comes with many challenges and frustrations as well. If you are not successful caring for the pet, you will not be successful at your marriage.”

You need to learn to develop thick skin. Complete singles learn to express their emotions positively and maturely. They are able to control their anger, fears, and jealousies. She is not overly sensitive and sentimental, but sensitive to her senses. He has learnt to be emotionally balanced and stabilized. The complete single keeps his emotions in check.

Sexually: Human beings were created differently; the Bible says “male and female He created them.” To be a complete and fulfilled single, you’ll have to have a fair knowledge of the differences between males and females. Know the sexual anatomy of men and women, and their proper bodily cooperation and sexual techniques. Develop a right and healthy attitude to sex, and be able to control your sex drive. Get ready to be “naked” before your spouse!

Know that there are many things you can do in order to become a complete single whether or not you will get married. Avoid putting too much pressure on yourself because you don’t need to be married to be complete. The biblical statement, “it is not good for the man to be alone” does not mean the man was incomplete. God’s intention was not for two halves to make one whole. His intention was for two complete individuals to come together and become a complete couple. 

There are many married people who are not complete in their marriages, so stop pressuring yourself. Be positive, accept and love the way you are as a person. Take note and build your own life experiences, and improve by trying to make gradual changes one at a time. Focus on the positive things that you have done in your life and can still do to contribute to the goodness of humanity so that you'll be happy and be more productive as well as attractive to anyone who comes to know you.

Complete and fulfilled singles make complete couples and fulfilled marriages!