SINGLENESS IS NOT A DISEASE; MARRIAGE IS NOT THE CURE
Singleness is a stage of life that everyone
would experience, just as in the educational system you have to go through basic
school before high school.
It
seems that this period of life that everyone goes through has been made to look
like a monster. Most at times, singles are seen as miserable, lonely
and loveless, and treated as immature and unfit to handle some responsible
positions in society, at work and even in the church. There is so much undue
pressure on singles to find the love of their life; movies,
music, books, magazines, and the society depict that it is not normal to be
single, and that you need to do everything you can to be in a relationship.
Many
singles have been made to believe that their state is a disease classified
with the likes of cancers, heart diseases and ulcers, and they
will have to find a cure to it by getting married.
The stage of singleness seems reclassified as unuseful, depressing, and embarrassing.
Even they are made to believe that the term Singleness
itself suggests brokenness. You are single;
therefore, you are broken, you are not whole, and so you need to be fixed.
I share a
different opinion. Singleness is not a disease, and marriage is never the cure
to it. This is not to deemphasize the importance of marriage, but to emphasize
that marriage is not the ultimate goal, and singles can be very responsible,
useful and happy.
Purpose of Singleness
God
said, “It is not good for man to be alone…,” right? So, does it mean there is
no purpose for the period of singleness? Does it mean you should rush into marriage for
the reason that it will be the “cure” to your “disease”? No. In God’s wisdom, He
created Adam single before Eve came
into his life, and Eve was also created single before she got into Adam’s life.
Instead of constantly
trying to get out, maybe you should consider why you are in.
1.
It is a time to plan and prepare for the next stage of life: The next stage of life
after singleness is a hectic period with its own challenges and
responsibilities. This is the time for you to make all the plans and
preparations you need to, so that the next stage does not take you by surprise.
Don’t wait until the next period arrives before you start to plan and prepare
for it. The train of success is boarded by those who anticipate its arrival,
buy the ticket, and prepare to wait for it. For those who do not prepare for
it, it will be too late for them to buy a ticket when the train arrives. The
future belongs to those who plan today. The secret to success in life is for a
man to be ready for his time when it arrives.
2.
It is a time to build a better you: This is a time for personal growth and
development. Instead of preoccupying yourself with finding the man or woman you
want to marry, use this season to become the man or woman that God wants you to
be. With all the
“free” time you have, it is the perfect opportunity to get down to your ideals.
Build your personal principles and philosophies of life and start to live up to
them now. Now is the time to cut down your weight, take that personal
development class, get a second job or start volunteering. Reflect on your past
and think about what you really want out of the future. Figure out your likes,
dislikes and what you can’t cope with. This will make you a better mate when
your “Mr. or Mrs. Right” comes along. Don’t sit at home feeling bad for
yourself; get out and start building a better you.
3. It is time to draw closer to God: A
humble heart sees singleness as a time to draw near to the Lord to become more
like Him, and then you are going to begin to attract the right kind of man or
woman. As you draw closer to God, it enables you to keep away from some sin and
prevents you from inviting someone else into your mess. Two sinners don’t fix
each other’s problems. God uses marriage for our sanctification, but He also uses
singleness to spare us pain and consequence, and to keep us from pulling others
down. Doesn’t this cause for gratitude,
and not anger and bitterness?
The Blessings of Singleness
Have you
ever thought of the blessings of being a single? Some believe it is only when
you are married that you can be “complete” and achieve full identity. It’s
easy to say that there are no advantages of being single if all you see are the
negatives. Maybe you should put on your magnifying lens of positivity to see
the numerous benefits of being a single.
1. Undivided attention for God: There is
no two ways about it that singles who want to serve God are able to devote
themselves better to the work of God than the married. They work and go
everywhere for the Lord without distractions and restrictions. The apostle Paul
was very right in his words at 1 Cor.7:32-34.
2.
Freedom and Independence: Being single means you have more
freedom. It allows for more spontaneity in your life. If you want to take a
weekend road trip, you can make that decision on the spur of the moment. Being
single allows you to be your own person and really just do as you please. It
allows you to make your own choices.
3. Time: We
live in a busy society. You probably hear people complaining that they never
have enough time. These people probably aren’t singles. As a
single, you manage your time as you want. Being single may give
you more time for hobbies and relaxation, to be with friends and family, and so
on. You can
use your time to do the work of God, volunteer in your
community, develop your potentials, and pursue your interests and other many
opportunities which the married person cannot.
4. Money: In
addition to time, relationships require money, and a lot of it. Being single
gives you full financial freedom. You are free as a single to use
your money as it pleases you without making consultations (however,
it is not an excuse to be irresponsible with your money; single or not, you
still need to make responsible financial decisions). You will have
enough for yourself and be generous to those who are in need. Research shows
that singles give more to friends and relatives than those who are married, and
they become less generous after marriage. Being single may also
make it easier to save and invest for the future and for unforeseen
circumstances.
5. Self-awareness and Development:
Being single gives you a deeper awareness
of who you really are, to be yourself and to develop who you really are – not
someone as defined by a relationship. Especially for men, it “forces”
you to do things for yourself, like cooking and cleaning. Being skilled at
different things make you a more complete, independent, well-rounded person,
which is a great quality to have, and one that will be noticed if you decide to
seek a relationship later on.
Your self-worth
as a single is not based on what people think and even what you think of
yourself. It is about what God thinks about you, and your worth before God is not
based on your marital status.
Every
objective married person would tell you that marriage has wonderful blessings and unique
challenges, but it isn't any better than singleness – it is just a different
stage of life. It is just trading in one set of blessings and challenges for
another.
John Piper sums it up better: “Marriage and
singleness both present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for our
sanctification. There will be unique rewards for each, and which is greater
will not depend on whether you were married or single, but on how you responded
to each.”
As a single, once you move past the
thinking that “the grass is greener on the other side” to “the grass is
greenest where you water it”, you will then be ready to make the most out of
your singleness.
Ask
the married people and they will likely agree that the advantages singles enjoy
are things they at times wish they could still have.
References
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