THE GESTURES OF LOVE
Someone said, “The roots of the
deepest love die in the heart if not tenderly cherished.” True! And they
are well cherished with the little gestures of love. The gestures of love occur
in friendships, families and romantic relationships. They are the little things
done just to say “I love you.”
Love is something you do; the
little things, and they count a lot. They have ripple effects which can spread
even beyond the original point of contact intended. Yes! The experts at love
know this and they never get tired looking for the gestures of love, showing
them in small expressions of affection.
Acts of services:
Someone said, sometimes it is the smallest things that take the most rooms in
our heart. Truly, actions speak louder than words. Love is active; it is what
you do. The best relationships are built up with the accumulated layers of many
acts of services. Acts of services mean doing things you know very well your
partner would like you to do. You do that to please her, to express your love
to him. To serve your partner is to always tell them: “Please let me help you.”
Laziness, broken commitments and making more work for them is to tell your
lover, your feelings don’t matter. The apostle Paul admonishes us to serve one
another in love (Gal 5:13).
Exchange gifts: Exchanging
gifts is one of the oldest gestures of love! A gift is something you can hold
in your hand, and give to your friend and say, “Take, this shows my love for you!”
Exchanging gifts is such an important gesture even in the animal kingdom. The
male Adelie penguin of the Antarctic coast searches among stones and pebbles in
his barren land until he finds a smooth one as a gift, waddles to his lady and
lays that priceless gift at her feet. Wow! Gifts are visual symbols of love.
But I must say giving gifts does not come natural to some people and I am one
of them. I often ask myself; what should I give; a fishing rod, chocolate,
flower or a book? What if they do not appreciate it? But there is a secret I
have learnt: “the best gifts are those you know will be appreciated.” Ask your
loved one, “what would you want me give to you as a gift?” It is better to give
a gift that they have requested than a surprised gift they won’t admire and
appreciate.
Develop rituals: A
couple shared their ritual: “We were married on the tenth of October, and we
have made it a ritual to celebrate our marriage every month on the tenth. We
always find something special, not necessarily a big thing but simple to do.
It’s always fun, it has strengthened our bond and it always reminds us of our
love commitment to each other.” Rituals are important ingredients in the best
relationships. The many rituals you have as lovers, the more your love is cemented.
Taking an evening walk together, praying together, a yearly vacation trip or
family gathering can be very significant events. Remembering and celebrating
important days like birthdays and anniversaries are ways of communicating
emotional love to one’s loved ones. One surest way to deepen friendship is by
making time to eat together. A weekly lunch or dinner can have a great impact.
There is something so significant about rituals. They create a bond.
Body touch: One
other important gesture of love is body touch. We could learn
something from the way team athletes freely pat, touch and high-five each other
in competitions. Handshakes, holding hands, hugging, embracing, and kissing –
all these gestures show love and care, and they keep the love tank full.
You possess in your hand a
powerful communication tool. Sometimes you are at a loss to know what to say to
a distressed and troubled friend than to stretch forth your hand and touch her
on the shoulder to convey how deeply you feel.
Touch is a powerful
encouragement. But be sure to be sensitive in this area, and especially be
careful to be above reproach with the opposite sex.
Effective communication: Talk
is cheap, they say, but it is an essential ingredient in the best
relationships. There can be no intimacy without conversation. To know and love
a friend over the years, you must have regular talks. It may seem obvious, but
so many intimate relationships break up because people quit communicating.
You need not be a talkative to
be a good communicator. Most of us like to be heard talk, but there are
thousands who need someone to listen to them, with a view to understanding
their thoughts, feelings, and desires. Listening conveys the message that you
care. It shows you are interested in the person –no matter what they are
saying. It shows that you value what the person is thinking. The eye is a very
good indicator. “If you hold another person’s eye longer than, say, two
seconds, it’s a clear sign that you are interested”- Dr. Julius Fast
(Author of Body Language). On the other hand, your refusal to
listen is like a slap in their face. It is a silent way of telling them, “don’t
bother me!” We cannot be good conversationalists only through listening. We
also have to be self-revealing; opening up and sharing our thoughts with those
we love.
Words of
Affirmation: A kind word, word of approval and praise can do wonders and
make great differences, sending our emotions skyrocketing. Mark Twain rightly
said; “I can live for two months on one good compliment.” Words are magic.
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. Love is kind, and to communicate
love through words means we must use kind words. This
has to do with the way we speak. One sentence can mean two different things
depending on how we say it. The words will say one thing and the tone of our
voice will say another. We send double messages and our partners will usually
interpret what we say based on our tone of voice rather than the words we use.
The way something is said is as important as – maybe, even more important than
–the words that are used.
Simple Smile: Smile
is so simple, but it makes great difference. A smile conveys a feeling of
confidence. It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without
impoverishing those who give. It might happen in a flash but the memory of it
lasts forever. Smile is contagious; it shows acceptance. It is a symbol of
friendship and peace. In our culture, if you frown to my smile, it tells you
are not in good terms with me. A smile is a way of writing your thoughts on
your face telling others that they are loved, cherished and appreciated. Meet
and greet people with a smile because it is the beginning of love. Truly, it is
the key that rightly fits the lock of everybody’s heart.
The gestures of love like glue
bind people together preventing the break of the relationship in times of
strain. An expression of love every day is like a great investment banked away
in the love bank — with accumulated interest for difficult times ahead.
Some gestures may take few
seconds, even less than 60 seconds, but they greatly affect our relationships.
Take time to think about what brings happiness to your love. You can do it in a
thousand simple ways.
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